Waking up today without an alarm clock was something new. There was totally nothing there convenient to rely on as a source of time. So I either resort to turning on the television and channel surf to the morning news, or, turn on my laptop. I ended up doing the later since turning on the tv would disturb my room mate. But anyway, with or with out an alarm, I always end up late, so I don't know why I'm babbling. Haha.
As I get to Ms. Mavicks's desk (I was tasked to take charge of her work since she was on leave for an operation) to check if there are new faxes, Brother Armin comes up to me and hands me over some packages for Lysander and Brother Vince. He also hands me his travel briefs and a single piece of paper. And who would know that a piece of paper, the smallest thing in the bundle handed to me would be the most stressing and the cause of a break down? I don't really want to get in to details, but to be truly frank with you guys, I felt really disturbed and miserable.
So here's the understated story. I was suppose to call some person up at 10:15 AM. I do so, and since my boss is still in a meeting with some Turks, I say that Brother is unfortunately unavailable right now and cannot come to the phone. Not knowing that it was suppose to be one of those calls where I had to connect Brother to, I still call the person up because that is exactly what Brother says and what is written on the paper. So she answers, and says, never mind. So when Brother asks for the update, I tell him what went on and said to call back so he can speak with the person. As I do so, the person is unavailable, and so on. I don't want to sound like I'm rationalizing things here. But to the extent that I call back around four times with miscommunications, who has the nerve to call back for the fifth time? Furthermore, who has the gut to face your boss and report another failed attempt? To add to that, I find out that this contact is supposedly a donor. So like, WTF have I done. Oh the misery!
Come lunch time, no appetite. Brother Mandy drops in, no mood to be bubbly. Yes it was that disturbing.
To add the cherry on top of all of that, I get branded with being malabo by my ex-girlfriend. It was her decision to meet up over by the Animo Canteen benches. So I wait for half an hour, roaming around the entire ground floor of the South Wing just to see if she's already there. And come later, she tells me that I didn't show up and explains that she waited too, but, over by the Accounting benches. There was barely any energy left to exert to argue, so I let it pass. I could deal with a day without my cellular, so I could deal with another, right? Then, all of a sudden she starts making a very big deal out of it. She says she feels that I'm implying that its all her fault. Dude, didn't I just let all of it pass? Then and there, I break down, and, cry. Yeah, I admit, I was silently crying in my office. I couldn't contain the misery anymore. So sorry to the people that didn't get treated right today, sorry for not being in the mood. But no, she is still persistent in insisting that this is my fault. I admit that I was stupid for leaving my phone in her car. In the first place I shouldn't have even ridden with her. But the main reason I should blame is that my mind was really preoccupied before I got down, so there. So more blaming on me for no reason at all. We just never understand each other on that level, maybe. And maybe that's the reason why, until now, we tend to argue. Before last night ended, I was thinking, maybe God purposely made me leave my phone with her. Siguro so I could see her again and that we can spend time with each other. Or, He is helping me reaffirm the belief that our past relationship will never flourish into a better one. So whatever reason that may be, thank you, Lord.
So what's the big deal, Jay? Well, first of all, its a given that at work, the Brother Mentor - Mentee relationship is gone. Professionally, we're on Boss - Employee status. And with what happened, I failed. I've failed my boss and I've failed to do a simple job. And that alone is really disturbing. I have disappointed my boss and I don't know how to make up for that. I don't even know if I can face him tomorrow. The bad vibes sank in.
For the first time at the office, I stayed really late working. Not because I felt awful so I'd make up for messing up earlier in the day, but because I felt too awful to go home. And a Brother messages me on Facebook and asks me how I'm doing. We talk about the situation and with one message, he gives me the strength to realize how lame I became. And to quote,
A Brother still tries his best to minister, even if his heart is shattered to a hundred pieces.
How inspiring, right? Typical me, to compare things with certain situations. But you gotta admit, light always shines through the darkest hours of your life. So with that in mind, and, with the feelings kept within, I smiled, for the first time. For one, there is absolute admiration for this Brother's conviction. And two, even if I was in a really miserable state, I should learn how to use it to motivate myself to do my job better, to learn from my mistakes.
On a deeper level. What should I expect to be the output of such a situation? They say that when you're put through something, you only know to learn from it after you go through a certain obstacle. You only realize the bigger picture once it is over. Doesn't that just suck?
Anyway, to end this entry I would like to leave you guys with another inspiring quote, this time from the Bible:
But even if you should suffer for doing what is right, you are blessed. Never be afraid of their threats, and never get upset.
1 Peter 3:14
Live Jesus in our hearts, Forever!
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