A Greater Kind of Love

Spending a couple of years with one specific person may sound hardcore.  

You know who to turn to during the good and the really awful times. You know who's going to wake you up when you have to get up early for a really important class. You know who is always available for you when you need someone to talk with. You know who is down to join you for the craziest things. You know who has your back when the times get tough. You know who's going to take care of you, even if you have a little cough. 

They know what the things are that make you happy, and they know what will hurt you. They know what you've been craving for hence, they know where to go for lunch. They know when and why you're down. They know when you haven't showered nor brushed your teeth.

Its the simplest things that make the relationship unique. 

Like instead of a kiss, the first thing she does is she wants to smell your armpits just to make sure you did take a shower. Then she smiles. Or the way she calls and asks you to make lambing even if you've spent the entire day with her. The day you learned to tie her hair, just because. 

Its when you buy her Hotshots because she doesn't have a lunch break, and, because they're her favorite. The way she sits through your physical ed. class doing her homework even if you can't shoot a ball for shit. Or how you have to wake up early in the morning just to accompany her to school even if your class starts in the afternoon.

Sometimes, its the fights that make you two who you are as a couple. That even if she causes drama during your sister's graduation party, you still find the reasons to love her. Even when understanding is nowhere to be found, you still know that at the end of the day everything will be alright.

It just sucks how having the company of someone so near to your heart can leave you feeling lonely.

She was hard to love. She was difficult to understand. But she was yours.

Without her, the good times wouldn't have been as good, and, the bad times would be just plain bad.

For the two or more years she was mine, I have to be thankful. For being there, for loving me. For teaching me how to love even if it was difficult. To permit even when things were questionable. To trust when things were undeniable.

You taught me how to persevere. To struggle even when I could enjoy comfort. There was no burden. But there was a cross to be carried.

Without you, I don't think I would ever be this ready. I've learned to love the unlovable. I've learned to understand open mindfully. To appreciate what we had, and to let go of what we could have had.

So why has God put me through it all? Not just to love, but to learn. To do everything I can so I wouldn't have to regret. 

In this light, I know I can face the unexpected. To control my emotions and to know when to let go. To love the unloved. To appreciate what I only have. To serve even when its against what I want.

The relationship we had helped me to become a better person. We were instruments used to teach each other. The relationship we had was the field for preparation, for something greater, for a love far more admirable than what we both were comfortable with.